Day Five

Good morning…….

Well I did it I dug through 12,000 + emails and I found less than ten emails of my writing. It amazes me how the mind works and fools me into thinking I am more than I am and that I do more than I do. I had to chuckle at myself at the end of the morning because this great amount of writing I thought I had done over the summer was less than ten emails. I am not saying that the quality wasn't good, but I am laughing at myself because I was hoping that pages and pages in my book would be filled with these amazing emails. I'm always looking for the easy way and it would have been easier for me if I had the book already written because then I would be putting it together this week instead of putting what I have together and writing what is left.

I went to bed adamant about shaking this panic inside of me. Fear I believe is disloyalty to God. When I am in fear I am not trusting in the being God has created me to be. Fear of losing something you don't even have. It is paralyzing. I am tired of being paralyzed. And what is really frightening about fear is that it doesn't just attack one area of your psyche at a time. Fear is a depressive emotional roller coaster that makes you hold on for dear life. The only solution for overcoming fear is to ignore it and walk through it. The trick is to know in your heart and mind that you aren’t walking through it alone. I don’t know how anyone lives a peaceful life without internal warring without a spiritual foundation. If I feel I am alone then I am. If I feel I am not alone that there is a power that I have tapped into within me that is divine and filled with imaginable Grace then I am not alone. This is all connected to our individual purpose in life. Today I believe that God made me a little bit different than everyone else because I have a gift called perception that I can express through my writing ability. I have a responsibility to myself and to others to use these gifts today. Today I don't care about the fear that lives in me. I just don't care. I am going to write and be the person I was meant to be in the eyes of my Creator. It is that simple; only I make it complex.

Plan for today: headed to the bank, write my Rev Share How-tos, put on the CE hat, enjoy some fellowship tonight and end the evening with reading up on how to use Scribd. Somewhere in my day I am going to order ink cartridges for my printer so I can print out all the pages I have that in my mind make up a book. It's about time I did that. I also need to call SUNY to see how to get my degree in hard copy--my muse wants me to teach again......

Have a good day everyone......time to put the big girl pants on and tackle the world that wars inside yourself!!!!! Go WRITE!!!!!