To be of service
to oneself is a good calling, but a greater calling is to be of service to others. Service means what exactly? Service can be something done for someone else. Service is also the offering of my skills. And service is offering caring to someone. When I write, who am I of service to and what service am I providing?
For years I thought of writing as self-service which meant that I wrote when it was convenient for me. I have to ask myself was I really being of service to myself when writing during periods of mere convenience? The answer is NO because I wasn't offering my best or thinking of my own benefit.
In order to get high quality writing I must put forth high quality effort. The more effort I put into my writing the better I feel about myself. That is a very real connection for me. My self-esteem is linked to the amount of effort I put into my writing
.
Having dinner with friends talking about my editor and ideas for new projects and how to generate revenue from these projects I heard myself say suddenly “I have become focused.” Always it had been an outside source that I credited for those periods in my life when I was writing as a service to myself. If I had the right computer or notebook or my pencils were all sharpened perfectly, if I had the right girlfriend, the right car, I lived in a house now instead of an apartment or if I had the right job, all of these external pleasures and joys eventually became feeling blocks.
I cannot write for convenience because eventually the newness of all that stuff and even the newness of people go away and I am back to being left with just myself. Creating
the habit of writing daily is a high quality self-service. I take time for me. I treat myself with gentleness and tenderness. When I am writing daily I am demonstrating self-belief. All the love I sought from things and people I give to myself as I develop the habit of writing 
on a daily basis.
I started this blog talking about a muse, an outside source. Today is day 34 of writing this blog. Somewhere I heard that 21 days makes a habit. I will tell you that twice in these 34 days I have gone to bed, started to fall asleep, woke up, got myself out of bed, went to the laptop, sat and waited while it booted up and then I wrote the blog. That wasn't the muse, that wasn't the right job, the girlfriend or the car...that was me. I did that. I suited up and showed up for my own life. That is a psyche change for this writer.
Nickelback in the song If Today Was Your Last Day sings "So live like you're never living twice/Don't take the free ride in your own life." Writing for convenience is a taking the free ride in my own life, my writing life. I must not dwell on the time lost at the laptop. Forgiveness and acceptance of who I am is the only way to unblock my feelings.
Letting lack of writing live in the past and taking good care of my creative energy now is the foundation of my developing the habit of writing. How do I nourish that creative spirit? I surround myself with good people, who have good thoughts, good words, show their love for me with good deeds especially on the days when I cannot do it for myself. I must surround myself with people who accept me as I am because there will be days when I don't accept who I am and I don't believe I can be the writer I am. When I am imperfectly human with others and accepted as such then I am free to be imperfectly human at the laptop.
An external source may inspire and motivate me, but the source will always fail me if I rely on it completely. True long-lasting inspiration and motivation comes from within. I am the only one who will drag me out of bed to develop my writing habit. I am the only one who looks for an inspirational quote for hours to stimulate my thinking. I am the only one who can make me suit up and show up for my own life. I am the only one who is going to die with regret if I don't.
Every day I have a choice as to how my day and life will go. Today and only for today I can take advantage of my opportunities to serve myself with high quality meaning I can think of my writing as more than service to myself. I can think of writing as service to others as well.
As my self-esteem grows and I become less dependent on the external sources I will begin to believe I have something worth saying and I will just say whatever it is I need to say. The positive external sources in my life today are people who can’t make me write, but they can help me to believe in myself enough to write.
The muse
I’m gradually learning is the desire, motivation and inspiration to write that resides within me. People may cause the desire to well to the surface, but I am responsible for maintaining the desire. Writing demands consistency and nothing external can ever be consistent especially people. The Great Reality of writing is that what I have always sought from others has been hidden inside of me all along.
Writing is always for me first and for others second……………
to oneself is a good calling, but a greater calling is to be of service to others. Service means what exactly? Service can be something done for someone else. Service is also the offering of my skills. And service is offering caring to someone. When I write, who am I of service to and what service am I providing?For years I thought of writing as self-service which meant that I wrote when it was convenient for me. I have to ask myself was I really being of service to myself when writing during periods of mere convenience? The answer is NO because I wasn't offering my best or thinking of my own benefit.
In order to get high quality writing I must put forth high quality effort. The more effort I put into my writing the better I feel about myself. That is a very real connection for me. My self-esteem is linked to the amount of effort I put into my writing
.Having dinner with friends talking about my editor and ideas for new projects and how to generate revenue from these projects I heard myself say suddenly “I have become focused.” Always it had been an outside source that I credited for those periods in my life when I was writing as a service to myself. If I had the right computer or notebook or my pencils were all sharpened perfectly, if I had the right girlfriend, the right car, I lived in a house now instead of an apartment or if I had the right job, all of these external pleasures and joys eventually became feeling blocks.
I cannot write for convenience because eventually the newness of all that stuff and even the newness of people go away and I am back to being left with just myself. Creating
the habit of writing daily is a high quality self-service. I take time for me. I treat myself with gentleness and tenderness. When I am writing daily I am demonstrating self-belief. All the love I sought from things and people I give to myself as I develop the habit of writing on a daily basis.I started this blog talking about a muse, an outside source. Today is day 34 of writing this blog. Somewhere I heard that 21 days makes a habit. I will tell you that twice in these 34 days I have gone to bed, started to fall asleep, woke up, got myself out of bed, went to the laptop, sat and waited while it booted up and then I wrote the blog. That wasn't the muse, that wasn't the right job, the girlfriend or the car...that was me. I did that. I suited up and showed up for my own life. That is a psyche change for this writer.
Nickelback in the song If Today Was Your Last Day sings "So live like you're never living twice/Don't take the free ride in your own life." Writing for convenience is a taking the free ride in my own life, my writing life. I must not dwell on the time lost at the laptop. Forgiveness and acceptance of who I am is the only way to unblock my feelings.
Letting lack of writing live in the past and taking good care of my creative energy now is the foundation of my developing the habit of writing. How do I nourish that creative spirit? I surround myself with good people, who have good thoughts, good words, show their love for me with good deeds especially on the days when I cannot do it for myself. I must surround myself with people who accept me as I am because there will be days when I don't accept who I am and I don't believe I can be the writer I am. When I am imperfectly human with others and accepted as such then I am free to be imperfectly human at the laptop.
An external source may inspire and motivate me, but the source will always fail me if I rely on it completely. True long-lasting inspiration and motivation comes from within. I am the only one who will drag me out of bed to develop my writing habit. I am the only one who looks for an inspirational quote for hours to stimulate my thinking. I am the only one who can make me suit up and show up for my own life. I am the only one who is going to die with regret if I don't.
Every day I have a choice as to how my day and life will go. Today and only for today I can take advantage of my opportunities to serve myself with high quality meaning I can think of my writing as more than service to myself. I can think of writing as service to others as well.
As my self-esteem grows and I become less dependent on the external sources I will begin to believe I have something worth saying and I will just say whatever it is I need to say. The positive external sources in my life today are people who can’t make me write, but they can help me to believe in myself enough to write.
The muse
I’m gradually learning is the desire, motivation and inspiration to write that resides within me. People may cause the desire to well to the surface, but I am responsible for maintaining the desire. Writing demands consistency and nothing external can ever be consistent especially people. The Great Reality of writing is that what I have always sought from others has been hidden inside of me all along. Writing is always for me first and for others second……………
Deep stuff, Tammy. The imperfect human is the default setting,I would say. I mean, is there really a perfect human?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely not and there isn't even a perfect character, but there is the imperfect human character :) Thank you for joining and commenting.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading the post. Your realizations gave me strength to confront my own doubts. That may also be one of the services to community that you hope to do!!
ReplyDeleteI do aspire to help writers like myself confront their doubts. I've always looked on the outside for that confrontation piece I was missing, but writing is a solitary calling. I think letting other writers know they aren't alone is important. Thank you for reading and commenting.
ReplyDelete