Good morning!!!! Snow again...it is what it is...I have to remember I live in New England and every time it snows I am reminded of how powerless I really am...I can't will it to be 90 degrees and sunny any more than I can will others to behave, think and feel the way I want them to. I only have power over my actions, thoughts and feelings today. The day is going to be what I make it.
Mahatma Gandhi wrote "Don't listen to friends when the Friend inside you says 'Do this!'" I think that is how this blog started; I listened to the inner Friend. For just one instance I wasn’t afraid of what others would think or how they will react. I simply gave myself what I need; I listened to the Friend inside. I wasn't able to do it alone, but together with the muse I was able to do it. And that is the whole point of being a part of is that you don’t have to do anything alone again.
I spoke of the fear of having people read what I think, feel and write with the muse the other day and the answer to getting rid of that fear was so simple. She simply said that sharing was the whole point of writing. Why want to write if you don’t want to share? That's the whole point of my life I want to share myself with others. What's there to be afraid of since that is the point. How simple is that for a purpose. The whole point of writing is to share who I am.
I don't know about you, but I have made it this far in life in spite of myself. I never lived a life of Good Orderly Direction; in fact, I've done everything I know how to live a life of misdirection. The sad part is I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what I didn't know and the hard part is forgiving me for what I didn't know. That is all twisted and illogical, but very real to me.
The time in my life has come to think things out. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind. I am being restored to sanity. Some of you reading this today will recognize this language. I am learning how to think straight. I am building up a new way of looking at things. Over the course of my life I have sought an artificial life of excitement and all the adrenaline that goes with it. I craved it, ached for it; I created it when there was none to be had. I thought that was normal living. People who didn't live an artificial life were boring and I did everything I could think of to not be like them. What I have come to feel and know is that the artificial life is abnormal and living that way was a path I created not the path that was created for me.
I must re-educate my mind to be attracted to and to live a normal life. I must become honest with who I am and share the deepest fears within me with safe people who will love me even when I can't love myself. I must re-educate my mind to feel worthy, to rely on no human power for my confidence and I must replace guilt over not feeling good enough with positive thoughts of I am good enough, I do have something to offer and I can tend to my business today.
I have to re-educate my mind to believe that all the intangible qualities I have are what make me worthy. My worthiness has nothing to do with the size of my bank account, my credit score or anything else material. My value comes from how people react to my presence in their life. My value as a part of humanity is in how others respond to my gentleness, kindness, willingness to help, grow and change how I think so I can put action to the words ‘I love you.’
My value is in how I nurture and care for myself so that I am able to voluntarily participate in the lives of those I love. It is important to note that I said participate I didn't say run or control their lives. In order to be a part of I have to willingly volunteer to participate and I have to let other people make their own choices of whether they want to voluntarily participate in my life.
I believe this understanding and ability to sit back, volunteer and let others volunteer is what makes relationships with self and others so difficult. The best way to act like you love someone is to let them be themselves. I'm willing to learn how to do that today. I'm willing to learn that saying I love you 20 times isn't the same as loving someone enough to let them feel and do what they need to do for themselves.
The acting of loving is really to just sit back and let the other person be themselves. The act of loving is to sit back and be constant, be calm, be available, be honest about what you can do, what you can't do and what you don’t know how to do and then see what happens from there. I believe that is the act of loving. I believe that is how my God loves me and I have a responsibility as a part of humanity to learn how to love others the way God loves me.
So today I am quiet, I know what I have to do and so it is time to simply go do it. That is the whole point after all according to the muse. The point is to just do it......
Enjoy writing today....it’s the only day we've got!!!!! The greatest plan for my day is to have no plan at all. My day is simply going to unfold as I put love into action no matter how unnatural it feels…………..I’m out of my comfort zone, but I will be ok………………..
Mahatma Gandhi wrote "Don't listen to friends when the Friend inside you says 'Do this!'" I think that is how this blog started; I listened to the inner Friend. For just one instance I wasn’t afraid of what others would think or how they will react. I simply gave myself what I need; I listened to the Friend inside. I wasn't able to do it alone, but together with the muse I was able to do it. And that is the whole point of being a part of is that you don’t have to do anything alone again.
I spoke of the fear of having people read what I think, feel and write with the muse the other day and the answer to getting rid of that fear was so simple. She simply said that sharing was the whole point of writing. Why want to write if you don’t want to share? That's the whole point of my life I want to share myself with others. What's there to be afraid of since that is the point. How simple is that for a purpose. The whole point of writing is to share who I am.
I don't know about you, but I have made it this far in life in spite of myself. I never lived a life of Good Orderly Direction; in fact, I've done everything I know how to live a life of misdirection. The sad part is I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what I didn't know and the hard part is forgiving me for what I didn't know. That is all twisted and illogical, but very real to me.
The time in my life has come to think things out. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind. I am being restored to sanity. Some of you reading this today will recognize this language. I am learning how to think straight. I am building up a new way of looking at things. Over the course of my life I have sought an artificial life of excitement and all the adrenaline that goes with it. I craved it, ached for it; I created it when there was none to be had. I thought that was normal living. People who didn't live an artificial life were boring and I did everything I could think of to not be like them. What I have come to feel and know is that the artificial life is abnormal and living that way was a path I created not the path that was created for me.
I must re-educate my mind to be attracted to and to live a normal life. I must become honest with who I am and share the deepest fears within me with safe people who will love me even when I can't love myself. I must re-educate my mind to feel worthy, to rely on no human power for my confidence and I must replace guilt over not feeling good enough with positive thoughts of I am good enough, I do have something to offer and I can tend to my business today.
I have to re-educate my mind to believe that all the intangible qualities I have are what make me worthy. My worthiness has nothing to do with the size of my bank account, my credit score or anything else material. My value comes from how people react to my presence in their life. My value as a part of humanity is in how others respond to my gentleness, kindness, willingness to help, grow and change how I think so I can put action to the words ‘I love you.’
My value is in how I nurture and care for myself so that I am able to voluntarily participate in the lives of those I love. It is important to note that I said participate I didn't say run or control their lives. In order to be a part of I have to willingly volunteer to participate and I have to let other people make their own choices of whether they want to voluntarily participate in my life.
I believe this understanding and ability to sit back, volunteer and let others volunteer is what makes relationships with self and others so difficult. The best way to act like you love someone is to let them be themselves. I'm willing to learn how to do that today. I'm willing to learn that saying I love you 20 times isn't the same as loving someone enough to let them feel and do what they need to do for themselves.
The acting of loving is really to just sit back and let the other person be themselves. The act of loving is to sit back and be constant, be calm, be available, be honest about what you can do, what you can't do and what you don’t know how to do and then see what happens from there. I believe that is the act of loving. I believe that is how my God loves me and I have a responsibility as a part of humanity to learn how to love others the way God loves me.
So today I am quiet, I know what I have to do and so it is time to simply go do it. That is the whole point after all according to the muse. The point is to just do it......
Enjoy writing today....it’s the only day we've got!!!!! The greatest plan for my day is to have no plan at all. My day is simply going to unfold as I put love into action no matter how unnatural it feels…………..I’m out of my comfort zone, but I will be ok………………..
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