Writing restores me to sanity........

Maltbie D. Babcock wrote, "Our business in life is not to get ahead of other people, but to get ahead of ourselves." The more I write the more I begin to notice the separation between who I use to be and who I am now as I write. Writing restores me. It brings me to a place within I have always wanted to dwell. In this mecca within me I am restored to sanity. I know of my own restoration because I am able to make comparisons between the mind I use to use and the one I use now. 

I remember twenty years ago when I was unable to sit still long enough to write more than a vignette of a character. My mind was so full of chaos, drama and connecting my life to others that to write with a full mind was impossible. As I have grown in myself so has my writing grown. The more I have come to rely on myself and stopped looking for others to support me, love me, want me and care about my writing as much I do the more I have been able to give support, love and want to myself and care for my own writing.

Helen Keller said “To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” The only person who can defeat me is me. History is made up of memories of people repeating the same mistakes of their ancestors. In our own lives we make history by repeating the same mistakes. Writing gives us the opportunity to change our history though. Through my writing I can avoid making the same mistakes. I can change my behaviors so that my history doesn’t repeat itself. 

I change my behavior by writing about them until I understand why I behave the way I do. Creating characters is writing myself, my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings. I learn about myself from writing about myself. Writing myself is not planning or creating a future; it is writing so I move forward not backwards. If I write to plan my future I limit my ability to reflect and write what I know which is my past. When I stifle my creativity by limiting my thinking I must remind myself to always remain teachable and open-minded.

As I write I change through my own self-discovery. I continually let go of my past behaviors and old ideas because to repeat the past is to create barriers to my writing. If I don’t let go of my past as I write it my approach to life is one of clinging rather than freedom. Top write is freedom to not write is to be imprisoned. If I get too attached to one form of thinking, being or feeling then I limit my approach to my writing. Writing in this writer’s life is adjusting to the changes within my own mind. When I am versatile as a writer I write without suffering.

Writing is practice being myself. The self I know I can be. The self I aspire to be that has always lived within me. I cross paths with the mind I used in the past, but my new mind is so flexible such moments are merely fleeting ones. As a writer I do not see and write the world as it is. I see and write the world as I am in the moment I am writing it.  

As I grow in my writing I learn and unlearn what is me and was me. I replace my old ideas with new ones as long as I remain teachable. I seek and claim new ideas. I welcome change because through change a flow of writing material surfaces. With each change in my life and my thinking I nourish and replenish my vast library of writing material. As I keep my face towards change I nourish and replenish my belief. The belief that I am writing this writer’s life so others can identify and write their writing lives.